“For 32 hours a week after school, I sit in this tiny-ass gas station. It looks shit but this job is fucking loco. The other night some guy was hanging under the canopy because it was raining then ran over to see me, and tripped on the curb out front and fucking flung his orange soda all over the gas station door. It was funny as shit but more of a burn on me ‘cause I had to clean it up. Anyway, he came inside and was like, “Bro, so sorry about spilling my drink all over your door but do you sell condoms?” It was an honest accident so I wasn’t that pissed, and I sold him some dome pieces. He left and I went out front and cleaned it up. Minutes later he came back in and was like, “Can I chill in here? It’s pouring outside and I’m waiting for someone to meet me.” I said it was fine, it was slow as shit anyway. But, it was awkward as shit ‘cause the gas station is like 8 feet long so it was him, my desk and me on the other side. Anyway, he could sense it was weird so he broke into an epic story / proposition all rambly-like. Next to the gas station is a cheap-ass motel that people fuck hookers in and do affairs in. The guy tells me he’s got a girlfriend but is fucking some other lady on the side. He starts telling me how she’s a wild bitch- they were once wasted in a cab going to hotel to fuck in and they didn’t have cash on them to pay the cabbie so the girl blew the cabbie to get out of paying- sucked the driver’s dick right in front of the guy! So, dude is like, “Yeah, I’m going to fuck her tonight but I didn’t want to wait outside in case my girlfriend drove by, she works real close. I’m just waiting for this wild bitch now and then we’ll get a room.” He then asked me if I liked wild bitches and I said I didn’t know because I don’t know many wild bitches. I don’t even know what a wild bitch is, I’m 17. He then starts telling me she’s real wild, too wild. He’s then like, “Yo, you like to fuck bitches in the ass? You into that crazy shit?” I didn’t even know how to answer. He’s then like, “I don’t fuck bitches in the ass but if you’re into it you can come over next door and fuck her in the ass.” I think I responded something like, “Um, ugh, I don’t know.” And the dude was like, “Ah, yo, sorry- this isn’t gay shit- like I’m not going to touch your dick. You can tag team her with me or just fuck her as I smoke a cigarette. Whatever you want. You let me chill in here. It’s the least I could do.” In my head all I could think is, “This is the craziest shit ever. Fucking dude wants me to do an orgy with a stranger but I have to bum her.” Like a second later he see’s the girl’s car pull up to a room in front of the motel and he’s like, “She’s here. I gotta run. Come over later. You know where I’m at. Just bang on the door.” For about 5 minutes afterwards I was really contemplative. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get abducted and fucked in my ass if I went over OR if this was like a blessing from god to pound some old woman. I called Arnold and told him the offer because we both run the gas station together. He was like, “You gotta go over. No, wait. Maybe don’t. Fuck, I don’t know?” No help there. I sat in the station for the rest of my shift and a million things ran through my mind- I’d be cheating on my girlfriend if I went over / what if the wild bitch was ugly? / what if that guy did try and suck my dick? / what if I went over and couldn’t get a boner and looked like an idiot? / what if I went over and they macheted me to death or put a gun in my mouth and were like some Natural Born Killers motherfuckers? / what if I went over and they did some erotic asphyxiation shit on me and put a dildo in my ass and I died and the cops had to explain that to my parents? / how would I explain to my Mum not to pick me up from work tonight? / what if this was actually going to be the best thing ever? / do I actually want to screw a stranger in the ass? Fuck. So many different outcomes that I didn’t think it was a good idea to go over. Maybe I’ll regret it but at least I’ll be alive to regret it.”- Page 34 of Journal #1 (August 29th, 1998 - January 1st, 1999)

“For 32 hours a week after school, I sit in this tiny-ass gas station. It looks shit but this job is fucking loco. The other night some guy was hanging under the canopy because it was raining then ran over to see me, and tripped on the curb out front and fucking flung his orange soda all over the gas station door. It was funny as shit but more of a burn on me ‘cause I had to clean it up. Anyway, he came inside and was like, “Bro, so sorry about spilling my drink all over your door but do you sell condoms?” It was an honest accident so I wasn’t that pissed, and I sold him some dome pieces. He left and I went out front and cleaned it up. Minutes later he came back in and was like, “Can I chill in here? It’s pouring outside and I’m waiting for someone to meet me.” I said it was fine, it was slow as shit anyway. But, it was awkward as shit ‘cause the gas station is like 8 feet long so it was him, my desk and me on the other side. Anyway, he could sense it was weird so he broke into an epic story / proposition all rambly-like. Next to the gas station is a cheap-ass motel that people fuck hookers in and do affairs in. The guy tells me he’s got a girlfriend but is fucking some other lady on the side. He starts telling me how she’s a wild bitch- they were once wasted in a cab going to hotel to fuck in and they didn’t have cash on them to pay the cabbie so the girl blew the cabbie to get out of paying- sucked the driver’s dick right in front of the guy! So, dude is like, “Yeah, I’m going to fuck her tonight but I didn’t want to wait outside in case my girlfriend drove by, she works real close. I’m just waiting for this wild bitch now and then we’ll get a room.” He then asked me if I liked wild bitches and I said I didn’t know because I don’t know many wild bitches. I don’t even know what a wild bitch is, I’m 17. He then starts telling me she’s real wild, too wild. He’s then like, “Yo, you like to fuck bitches in the ass? You into that crazy shit?” I didn’t even know how to answer. He’s then like, “I don’t fuck bitches in the ass but if you’re into it you can come over next door and fuck her in the ass.” I think I responded something like, “Um, ugh, I don’t know.” And the dude was like, “Ah, yo, sorry- this isn’t gay shit- like I’m not going to touch your dick. You can tag team her with me or just fuck her as I smoke a cigarette. Whatever you want. You let me chill in here. It’s the least I could do.” In my head all I could think is, “This is the craziest shit ever. Fucking dude wants me to do an orgy with a stranger but I have to bum her.” Like a second later he see’s the girl’s car pull up to a room in front of the motel and he’s like, “She’s here. I gotta run. Come over later. You know where I’m at. Just bang on the door.” For about 5 minutes afterwards I was really contemplative. I wasn’t sure if I was going to get abducted and fucked in my ass if I went over OR if this was like a blessing from god to pound some old woman. I called Arnold and told him the offer because we both run the gas station together. He was like, “You gotta go over. No, wait. Maybe don’t. Fuck, I don’t know?” No help there. I sat in the station for the rest of my shift and a million things ran through my mind- I’d be cheating on my girlfriend if I went over / what if the wild bitch was ugly? / what if that guy did try and suck my dick? / what if I went over and couldn’t get a boner and looked like an idiot? / what if I went over and they macheted me to death or put a gun in my mouth and were like some Natural Born Killers motherfuckers? / what if I went over and they did some erotic asphyxiation shit on me and put a dildo in my ass and I died and the cops had to explain that to my parents? / how would I explain to my Mum not to pick me up from work tonight? / what if this was actually going to be the best thing ever? / do I actually want to screw a stranger in the ass? Fuck. So many different outcomes that I didn’t think it was a good idea to go over. Maybe I’ll regret it but at least I’ll be alive to regret it.”

- Page 34 of Journal #1 (August 29th, 1998 - January 1st, 1999)

“Being on the road in the van is fucking boring so you gotta make your own fun and spice things up from time to time. This is why Billy shoved a beef jerky into his asshole and waved it over Shawn’s face. I was in stitches when he was rubbing spit on his asshole and trying to cram it in there while saying, “It ain’t going to fit.” He was pleased as punch when he finally got it in. “- Page 35 of Journal #6 (November 17th, 2001- July 17th, 2002)

“Being on the road in the van is fucking boring so you gotta make your own fun and spice things up from time to time. This is why Billy shoved a beef jerky into his asshole and waved it over Shawn’s face. I was in stitches when he was rubbing spit on his asshole and trying to cram it in there while saying, “It ain’t going to fit.” He was pleased as punch when he finally got it in. “

- Page 35 of Journal #6 (November 17th, 2001- July 17th, 2002)